Archive for Client Questions

Children’s Behaviour when parents exhibit Hoarding Behaviour

Posted by Carolyn on
 September 10, 2014

A friend and colleague recently contacted me regarding behaviour she had seen in one of her contacts.  She poses an interesting question and I thought you all might be interested.

VB writes: Is Hoarding in the genes? Have you ever seen young children hoard? In a family I recently worked with, one of the children cried and was very upset when his Dad sent a couple of pieces of furniture to the curb hoping someone would pick up for free.! (The aunt is a “collector” and another aunt shows evidence of hoarding behaviour.) Dad is worried about his child. He understands not wanting to part with toys, but furniture? Any thoughts or advice for this situation?”

Here is my response: Although there is much work currently being done with children of those with hoarding behaviour,  I am not aware of any definitive research on the genetic link for hoarding behaviour. We do know, however, that individuals with chronic disorganization, of which hoarding behaviour is a subset, personify objects and have unusually high emotional attachment to objects. These charact traits I see in the children of my clients all the time.

In the absence of a psyche degree, we as organizers ought not to be trying to remove or change those traits but there are tried and true techniques for managing them so the impact of the traits is not harmful. My fear is that this child has now been emotionally impacted – which he/she will remember long after the furniture is gone – and carry forward to other objects preventing him/her from healthy separation in the future.

Try this:
1. Let the child “say good-bye” to the furniture just like they would a friend.
2. Take a picture as part of the goodbye process and create an agreement on how long the picture hangs around.
3. Help the child understand the furniture needs a new home that can use it better. It will have new life with its new family.
4. Help the child understand objects have a natural life cycle with us. We need/ desire, they come, we use/love/use up, they leave (donation/ sale/recycle/garbage), they have a new life.

I’d be interested in hearing from others on similar experiences to VB.

Organizing Challenges
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Client Questions – Why do I get stuck on Email?

Posted by Carolyn on
 June 1, 2009

The electronic age was meant to speed up the way we work and computers promised to make life easier. They have, however, brought with them their own challenges as witnessed by the common frustrations of managing email. If email is soaking up too much of your day, try these tips:

  1. Turn off the email alert on your computer. You know emails arrive constantly. You don’t need your computer to remind you there is more work sitting in your Inbox.
  2. Schedule a routine time to clear new email messages. Do not schedule this first thing in the morning otherwise it may soak up the rest of your day.
  3. Read, respond then delete or file. Keeping loads of email messages in your Inbox is the same as leaving mail sitting on the middle of your desk. Both practices give you the impression you have yet to deal with the messages when in fact, you have responded.
  4. Use your email functionality – rules and alerts – to sort your mail when it arrives. If you have a big project on the go, create a folder for the project. Add the folder to your favourite folders where you can see it easily in the top left (or right) of your screen. Create a rule to have all new mail with the project name in the heading or body go directly to this folder. Your computer will tell you when there is new mail in the folder, don’t worry. It’s like having an assistant sort your mail before putting it in your inbox.
  5. Limit your time for email clearing. If you need two or three scheduled times to clear – so be it but limit the time of each session.
  6. Be short and succinct in your communication. No one else wants to receive long winded emails at their end since they have limited time to review it as well.

Enjoy shaking off the email shackles.

Office Organizing
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Client Questions – Is Anyone Else Disorganized Like Me?

Posted by Carolyn on
 January 26, 2009

Q “Now that you have seen my disorganization and mess, tell me, are there other people that are disorganized like me? Do their colleagues know?”

A Yes. Usually.

It often takes a lot of courage for a seriously disorganized professional, manager or executive, to let a professional organizer into their office. Many of my residential clients have not had anyone into their home for a very long time. They are too ashamed. Their embarrassment and concern that they will be chastised by friends and family ensure that those friends and family will never be invited over. Their embarrassment is expressed in a desire to know they are not the worst or most disorganized people I have ever worked with. In the business environment, executives, often the highest producers, are running scared that the rest of the office, especially their boss, will find them out.

The reality is that there are many business executives teetering on the edge of collapse because their business world is so disorganized. There are a lot of people in this world with a lot of stuff they a) don’t need b) don’t use c) don’t have room for and d) don’t know how to manage or part with and e) can’t manager their time. The impact on their lives is no different than the impact on the disorganization in the life of the clients that express their frustration and embarrassment in the form of today’s question.

If there weren’t lots of disorganized people in Canada, the country would not support the growing roster of industry professionals such as the members of Professional Organizers in Canada , now with over 600 members, or its affiliate, the National Association of Professional Organizers in the United States.

More important, however, is how each individual or family, struggling with disorganization, gets a grip on their lives so that they too can achieve their business or personal objectives without the emotional and mental stress of always covering up for their disorganization. So if you are wondering if anyone else in the world suffers from disorganization like you do, the answer is yes. Lots of people. Does the rest of the office know? Yes. The symptoms of your disorganization or visible to everyone. Now what will you do to manage it?

Office Organizing
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Client Questions – Am I Alone?

Posted by Carolyn on
 January 26, 2009

Q “Now that you have seen my disorganization and mess, tell me, am I the worst that you have seen. Are there other people that are more disorganized than me and have more mess than me?”

A Yes. Always.

It often takes a lot of courage for a seriously disorganized person, or family, to let a professional organizer into their home. For that matter, many of my clients have not had anyone into their home for a very long time. They are too ashamed. Their embarrassment and concern that they will be chastised by friends and family ensure that those friends and family will never be invited over. Their embarrassment is expressed in a desire to know they are not the worst or most disorganized people I have ever worked with.

The reality is that there are a lot of people in this world with a lot of stuff they a) don’t need b) don’t use c) don’t have room for and d) don’t know how to manage or part with. The impact on their lives is no different than the impact on the disorganization in the life of the clients that express their frustration and embarrassment in the form of today’s question.

If there weren’t lots of disorganized people in Canada, the country would not support the growing roster of industry professionals such as the members of Professional Organizers in Canada , now with over 600 members, or its affiliate, the National Association of Professional Organizers in the United States.

More important, however, is how each individual or family, struggling with disorganization, gets a grip on their lives so that they too can live to their full potential, unencumbered by unnecessary activity or belongings; otherwise known as “stuff”.

So if you are wondering if anyone else in the world suffers from disorganization like you do, the answer is yes. Lots of people. Now what will you do to manage it?

Home Organizing
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Client Questions – Going Vertical

Posted by Carolyn on
 January 6, 2009

Q It seems that every surface in my home has stuff on it. My home is cluttered but I have no other place to put things. What else can I do?

A It is human nature to put an object down or away in the place of least resistance or the most accessible spot when we are finished with it. For many people, that spot ends up being an empty flat surface. The result can be a cluttered space with every flat surface filled and, in worse case scenarios, several layers of objects on every flat surface.

Switch from horizontal to vertical storage strategies and habits. Vertical space is up and down space in your home. The floor, counters and table tops are horizontal space. Keep your horizontal space clear and your home will look and feel less cluttered and be easier to move around in.

Book shelves are great vertical storage and can be used to storage an array of items besides books. Putting similar items in containers such as boxes, baskets or other plastic containers on the shelves reduces the messy look of many objects. A hook on a wall is another simple and effective means of using vertical space, great for clothes especially in a child’s room.

Home Organizing
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Client Questions – When do I Shred

Posted by Carolyn on
 November 21, 2008

As a professional organizer, I am frequently asked by clients what paper needs to be shredded and what can go straight into the recycling bin. Recently I was asked specifically about some old utility statements that a client was throwing out.

Most utility bills have enough information on them to be able to identify you clearly. That’s why its on your bill. Some even contain billing and payment information. This is not information that you want public if it were to go astray. Shred.

As a rule of thumb, if there is anything on the bill to identify you, shred it. When in doubt, shred. You can always sit down with your television show some night after the kids are in bed and shred away during the commercial breaks.

Office Organizing
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Client Questions – Strategies for Letting Go!

Posted by Carolyn on
 October 17, 2008

A client recently expressed the following frustration:

“I have too many casual-use dishes, and they are taking up a lot of space in my cupboards. But I can’t bear to part with any of them. One set (of about eight) was given to me by my late mother and includes a set of casserole dishes, mugs, coffee pot, salt and pepper shakers, butter dish with cover, and so on. These are my favourite, but they’re not microwave safe. The second set (of four) was given to me by my daughters when they were younger, one of the first gifts they bought for me with their own money. They’re pretty, and I like the shape of the bowls, but some have broken so now there aren’t enough. And they don’t go with anything else I have. The third set are plain white, which is practical because I can use them to supplement my good china. All three sets came with cups and saucers, which I never use and would give away, but I don’t like to separate them from the rest of the set. Do you have any suggestions for how to reclaim space in my cupboards?“

This is a classic expression of the frustration we all experience when objects pile up and emotional ties prevent us from letting them go. Here are some suggestions that might help you in this situation:

  • If you like the objects, get them out of hiding and use them.
  • Consider that your mother probably did not expect you to keep the dishes forever and would be very sad that you were experiencing so much stress over them. Who would she suggest that you give them to or what would she have liked you to do when you were finished with them?
  • Move the dishes out of the cupboard and lay them out in a different room. Taking items out of context often helps the sorting/separating process by changing perspective.
  • Play the strangers, acquaintances, friends game. Which of the dishes are friends and which are strangers? Send the strangers away.
  • The emotional attachment in this case is not likely to the dishes, which are at the end of the day, just dishes you are not using. The attachment is to your mother and your daughters. Rather than keeping a cupboard full of dishes, pick one or two which serve as a representation of the love you have for them and send the rest away.
  • Often by giving items which hold a strong emotional memory to someone or someplace of significance to us, the emotional attachment to the object can be diminished by the emotional experience of the giving. Are your daughters setting up their own homes yet? Could they use the dishes? Do you know a single mother who is struggling to make ends meet? Would she enjoy some lovely dishes? You get the picture.
  • Take a picture! Get a friend or family member to take a picture of you using the dishes and with the entire set. In the case of the dishes your daughters gave you, have them in the picture too. You can now save the picture to remind you of the dishes and to elicit the same feelings of love for your family members without keeping all the objects.
Organizing Strategies
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Client Questions – Why can’t I decide what to do with this stuff?

Posted by Carolyn on
 October 14, 2008

You’ve made the decision to get rid of it, you’ve blocked the time and arranged for the children to be elsewhere. You’re looking at a pile of toys in the basement that haven’t been touched by the kids for months/years/decades and can’t decide what to do with it. You’d be surprised how common this situation is. Many of my clients have tried valiently to sort through a pile of unwanted goods and become overwhelmed with the process.

Try this: move the goods to a different location. If the toys are in the basement, pile them all into a laundry hamper and put them in the middle of the living room/kitchen/backyard. Group them into similar objects. Notice how your perspective changes?

Changing the location of the goods changes the perspective for your brain and grouping by like objects demonstrates the quantity of goods you have collected. Changing perspective helps your brain to look at the goods differently and boosts the Keep, Give Away, Throw Out decision making process.

Start small. If you empty the basement into the living room you are committed for a weekend. You might not make it and then you’d be frustrated with the stuff in the living room. Try a couple of laundry hampers worth first. Success? Great. Celebrate and either schedule your next session or try a couple more hampers.

Home Organizing
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Client Questions – What do I do with this fondu pot?

Posted by Carolyn on
 September 17, 2008

We all have dishes, pots and perhaps many other items in our homes that we used seldom if ever. In this case, the client rarely if ever served fondu and now that her children were away at university, it seemed even less likely she would ever use it. The client was not interested in a garage sale and the pot contained enough sentimental value, that she wanted to find a new home where it would be used.

Sound familiar?

A helpful approach to shedding these objects is to ask yourself a) how often do I use it? b) how easily can I replace it or borrow another one if and when I do need it.

Ask around family or friends to see if anyone else would like a fondu pot or if they have family heading off to university or setting up a home that might like one. If they already have one, ask if you could borrow it from time to time.

Home Organizing
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Client Questions – How do I recycle my old eyeglasses?

Posted by Carolyn on
 September 11, 2008

This question came from a client who had just replaced her glasses. She was eager to see her old glasses put to good use.

Most reputable opticians (in Canada) collect their client’s unwanted eye glasses to send to communities overseas for use by individuals who otherwise would not have access to eye glasses. Ask your optician directly if they participate in such a program or for redirection to another optical store that does.

Home Organizing
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