Archive for Downsizing

woman with grey hair at head of dinner table with family

Siblings Help a Parent Downsize

Posted by Carolyn on
 August 21, 2024
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When siblings help a parent downsize, all kinds of interesting things happen. Mostly often, family dynamics come to play and life can get complicated. However, its doesn’t need to be difficult.

The Parent Downsize Backstorywoman with grey hair drinking tea and taking to younger woman as if talking about downsizing

Both my significant other (SO) and I have had parents downsize in the past 10-12 years. My own father passed away four years ago and my siblings and I resolved that estate together. My mother-in-law (MIL) has recently given up housekeeping and moved into an assisted living, retirement environment. While she left the family home over 11 years ago, there was much to pare down from her apartment. Since my SO is one of 6 siblings, there was lots of discussion over the paring down.

How do Siblings Help a Parent Downsize?

Is there a perfect or best way for sibling to help a parent downsize? The simple answer to this is “no, there isn’t”.

There are, however, several good ways. Typically the challenges arise around location of the siblings relative to the downsize location, the number of siblings and decision-making strategies and the fairness of dispersing objects. Where there are many siblings, inevitably at least two want the same picture over the mantel. Another scenario is that one or more siblings want nothing – along with nothing to do with the project. Then others – or usually one other – is left carrying the full load of supporting the parent(s).

Professional organizers see these issues so often is it commonplace. While each family feels like its issues are unique, most of the projects have some very common themes. Here are some ideas to help you through the process.

Who Runs the Show?woman in blue shirt making a phone call as if talking to parent about downsizing

Ideally, one sibling will take lead. This may be the first point of conflict; which sibling will that be? The one that’s closest or has the time tend to be the winners.

Alternative, if several sibling want leadership roles, divide up the downsize into sections. Siblings take responsibility for the section about which they are most passionate. One might be concerned about family photos. Another might be concerned about jewelry and a third about books or dishes. Still another might have strong feelings about the movers, packers or using a professional organizer to assist.

When one or more siblings are geographically located away from the downsize.

The challenge here is to keep everyone informed. Regular checkins using FaceTime, Zoom, WhatApp chat, audio or video all help. if you are sending pictures, do them by category and in small groups. Use the edit function in your photo app on your phone to have the distant sibling identify those items they are interested in or have questions about. The great thing about photos is they can also be grouped by Albums so each siblings interest can be slotted into a separate album.

Who Get’s What?family members gather around laptop for meeting to discuss helping parent downsize

Whether resolving an estate resolution or a helping a parent downsize, how do families decide who get’s to keep what? There are inevitably items that are being shed by the parents or in the estate. That is the definition of downsize. Finding a reasonable way to distribute is challenging at best. Here are a few strategies to try:

  1. The parent has previously decided and the decision is imbedded in a will or list or items have already, previously been marked. This is the easiest. Tip: remember that once an item has been “gifted” it is there to do with as they wish, included shedding themselves. The general rule of thumb is “if you don’t want what Mom has given you, please let the siblings know so that if someone else wants it they can have it.” This sometimes lead to “swapping” which often works well.
  2. The items to be shed are given an overall financial value (fictitious or real. This strategy works best when it is close to the real value). Each sibling is given fictitious funds, a percentage of the total based on the number of siblings. If the items being reallocated equal $1,000 and there are four siblings, each sibling is allocated $2500. Finally each person identifies the items they would like to have equalling their $2500. Where there is competition, try swapping. Last resort there is always a game of “rock, paper scissors”.
  3. None of the items are valued. Instead, distribution is done on the basis of emotional attachment. Each sibling identifies those items in which they are interested ranked 1st, 2nd, 3rd etc. Swapping and trading is done only where there is competition for the same item at the same rank.

Last Items

After siblings have been allocated their pieces, offer the rest to friends or family. These individuals are far more likely to be emotionally related to the items than anyone on the open market. What is left can be sold at auction (live or online), sold in the open market (Craigslist, Kijiji, Facebook Marketplace) donated to charity, offered to the up-cycle market or – last resort – discarded to recycle or landfill.

I have seen all strategies 1 – 3 used in several families over the years. In my experience, the most successful are 1 and 3. The second strategy works, but is problematic as siblings compete for dollars.

Siblings who want to help a parent downsize are often met with frustration and lots of work. In my experience, however, they are also met with tremendous gratitude on the part of their parent(s).

If this is your next project, good luck and let me know how it goes.

Downsizing Move Organizing Organizing Strategies
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jumbled collection of many dishes on table

Backlog vs Day-to-Day: What’s the declutter difference?

Posted by Carolyn on
 July 17, 2024
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Jumbled collection of dishes waiting to be decluttered.Many people don’t realize there is a declutter difference between backlog and day to day. Not all clutter is created equally. This will help.

The Declutter Dilemma

Touch it once. Deal with it now. Don’t put it down put it away.

These are all great organizing principles. EXCEPT they only apply to day-to-day decluttering.

If you are dealing with a backlog these strategies will have you frustrated, overwhelmed and a victim of decision fatigue in no time. UGH!

There is a declutter difference between the two type of organizing. One, clearing a backlog, is all about managing large amounts of material as quickly. On the other hand, managing paper, clothes, dishes or documents on a day-to-day basis is quite a separate process.

Here are some strategies that will help you manage the declutter difference and get your space organized to feel calmer and back in control.

Declutter the Backlogwhite coffee mug with "begin" sitting on wood grain table. Sometimes just beginning is hard with a backlog to declutter.

You have a large amount of material to be reviewed, sorted, purged and then organized. Welcome to the backlog. Perhaps you are preparing for a house or condo sale, or maybe a move. Or, you simply have decided you need more space and less stuff so it’s time to take action.

  1. Key Decision: The key decision for backlog is Discard or Keep. Make this decision as quickly as possible. Simply decide what is shed vs what is keep.
  2. Make it Easy: If it’s paper you are sorting, have a recycling and shredding bag or box right beside you. Anything to keep is divided into FILE or ACTION.
  3. Next Steps: Once this first sort has been done, you will likely find only 10-25% of the original pile is actually left with ACTION to be taken. Take out the recycling. Set up your shredder or find a local shredding company and pick a time to get the shredding out of the house.
  4. Last Step: Take the necessary action and then FIND A HOME for the items to be kept. If you are moving, that might mean packing. Having decluttered already, you will be packing and moving much less.

Managing  Day-to-DayDesktop with keyboard, book, magazine and a sign that says To Do. If your day-to-day decluttering has to do's of less than 15 minutes, try and do them right away.

The decluttering difference with day-to-day organizing is to make sure the backlog never happens. The trick is to avoid an accumulation of belongings or paper, so that you don’t have to take the time or energy to ever clear the backlog.

  1. Key Decision: The key decision for day-to-day organizing is “What action needs to be taken?”
  2. Make it Easy: If the action to be taken requires less than 15 minutes, try and do it right away. Although this is not always possible, getting into the “do it now” attitude for those quick tasks will keep the clutter at bay. This is where “touch it once” makes sense.
  3. Next Steps: Once the action is taken, the following question is “Where does this need to live?”. Every item needs to have a home where it can be easily stored and retrieved.  Remember, however, once the action is taken, where it needs to live might be the recycling, shredding or garbage.
  4. Last Steps: Put the item in its home. This is where “don’t put it down, put it away” comes in.  You are done.

There is a decluttering difference between clearing a backlog versus maintaining a clutter free home or office on a day-to-day basis. Not all clutter is created equal. A different strategy is needed whether you are clearing the backlog to downsize or managing today’s mail. Have fun and keep going.

 

Declutter Habits Move Organizing Organizing Challenges Productivity
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golden retriever dog holding newspaper in his mouth

So Much Recycling!

Posted by Carolyn on
 April 12, 2016
  ·  No Comments

“I didn’t know there was so much recycling!”two people putting plastic bottles into a recycling bin

This is the exclamation of almost every client when we start to clear out the clutter.  When clients are downsizing, the pile of recycling and other cast off material gets bigger and bigger and bigger.

It is somewhat inevitable.  Living in one home for many years, sometimes decades, can lead to such a build up in clutter and unused belongings that we just basically forget about. We end up purging out a significant amount of material that can not be re-purposed, is not suitable for sale or donation and therefore ends up in either the garbage or recycling. When clearing out a space, even just to reorganize to make the space function better, clients are often surprised how much debris has collected over the years which ends up no more valuable than the garbage or recycling bin.

Downsizing Quick-start

Are you looking for a quick way to start downsizing? Start your project armed with information about how to get rid of large piles of garbage or recycling. Some of the material can go to your regular garbage pick up or disposal although most jurisdictions now carry volume limits on the service. Check into your service provider, public or commercial to find a) volume limits b) size limits or c) alternate places where you can take the material yourself. Most of these places will have a tipping charge. In the jurisdiction where I live, this charge is $10 per 100 kg or part thereof.

If you know there is going to be huge amount of material to garbage, consider a junk removal company. In addition, you will need to have a “staging” area where the goods heading to garbage can be put while you continue to clear out your space.  For recycling, check into the requirements to sort the recycling into different elements such as metal, paper and plastic.

Open Mail over the Recycling BoxRed mail box beside window of stone house. window box with plants on window ledge

If you want to avoid the accumulation, learn to process your paper with a paper recycling box nearby.  I encourage clients to literally open their mail over the recycling box or bag.  In most cases, there is very little mail left over when the recycling has been taken out.  For starters, just removing the envelop and inserts can reduce the paper.  Discarding these items as soon as they enter the house, will help to keep the paper clutter to a minimum.  It also means less paper to house and manage.

“Even precious treasures left long enough, become garbage“.
One of my favourite client quotes.

 

Home Organizing Move Organizing
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A Moving and Sorting Stage

Posted by Carolyn on
 May 15, 2013
  ·  No Comments
Label your staging area to make downsizing less stressful.

Label your staging area to make downsizing less stressful.

In the world of home moves, staging has become a popular activity to help sell a house.  In the case of sorting and organizing a downsizing project, staging is still used to sell a house but is also what we do to prevent churning and to simplify the decision making process.  This was evident to me yesterday while helping  a family friend pack her father’s household goods as part of a downsizing move to his newly purchased condominium.  A very active bachelor for many years, Jill’s father had accumulated large amounts of sports and recreational gear.  The years, however, were catching up on him and, having limited his activities to his favourite few, he was ready to send away to a new home many of his not-loved-or-needed-anymore household, recreational and sports items.   Jill and I were preparing items for his move next weekend and to take a load to the auction house the following weekend.

As Jill and I walked through the house, she was able to point out to me many items in closets, cupboards and various rooms that had already been sorted and were in various stages of being packed.  Jill expressed concern that her father was planning on moving too many items to his new “pad” and would struggle to adjust to the smaller space.  I suggested to Jill we set up a staging area to accumulate items on which decisions had been made, help identify what was left to sort, collect items for packing together in one area when possible and start to move out the items that were being sold or donated.

Jill had set up a packing station in one part of the house but the area had become congested with items her father was still using on a day to day basis.  We identified a convenient staging area, collected and labelled the sorting, packing and boxing supplies and moved them to this area as a new packing station.  Jill had wisely used a packing table so that boxes could be packed at waist height without the packer having to strain their back by bending, leaning or twisting.  We moved this table to the packing station along with all the remaining boxes.  This cleared out one of the bedrooms so that Jill and her father could more easily see what still needed to be sorted in that room.  In an open area in the living room, beside the packing station, we established the rest of our staging area: in one corner were the items for auction, in another the items listed online to be sold, and in a third the items packed to go to the new condominium.  We then did a second sweep through the house, which had several stories, and grouped items on each floor.  As most of the large furniture was already gone, it was easy to move items into one area on each floor.  We set up areas for each type of item based on where it was to go: auction/for sale online, donation or the condo.  The recycling and garbage we took away and put in the garbage/recycling bins.  Any item for which a decision had already been made was moved out of its place and put into the appropriate pile.  These items can be packed in place and them moved to the main staging area.

The end result of our work was that Jill and her father didn’t have to revisit these decisions each time they entered a room or looked into a closet.  Her father could clearly see the volume of goods heading for the new condo and they could both see the results of their sorting as each room became emptier and emptier.  Finally, Jill could easily see when packing supplies needed replenishing.  All of these small details help to reduce stress in a downsizing project.

Move Organizing
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Back From Summer Vacation?

Posted by Carolyn on
 September 16, 2009
  ·  No Comments

How was your summer? Was it cold and wet like here in Toronto (Canada)? Did you run away from your clutter and chaos and get some vacation time in beautifully organized hotels? Maybe a trip to the cottage where organizing takes on a very relaxed form of archival collecting? I’d love to hear your stories.

And what did Wellrich Organizers do that left the blog pages silent for so long?

I took on the staging job of a lifetime. With the family farm sold off in the spring, the family house was next. I am pleased to say that a summer’s worth of work paid off: new hardwood floor in the kitchen, new kitchen, stripped floors everywhere else, new carpet in the basement, one storage shed, innumerable bags of garbage and recycling – amidst Toronto’s garbage strike – several contractors, the benevolence of soem very dear friends, a few shares in our local hardward store and the help of another stager, Pamela G& Co. The house sold within 48 hours of hitting the market for a very nice sum over asking thank you very much.

The experience has left me with a renewed appreciation for the emotional challenges that face anyone downsizing the family home. Forty-six years of accumulation is a struggle for even the most clutter averse individual. The family history contained in all that accumulation is bittersweet to review and overwhelming to confront.

We got through by chipping away one little bit at a time. The project to clear out the 46 years started several years ago and thank goodness it did. The sooner one starts to clear out the unused, unnecessary items around the house, the freer and easier one can live one’s life today.

Does anyone else have family home downsizing stories?

Home Organizing Move Organizing
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Downsizing Dilemmas – Auctions

Posted by Carolyn on
 June 1, 2009
  ·  No Comments

When it comes to the really big downsizing projects – from the family home to a 900 sq.ft. condo, sometimes there just aren’t enough family members or grandchildren to absorb all the pieces of furniture – loved though they may be – that have accumulated over the years. Furniture consignment stores are popping up all over cities these days in an attempt to keep some of the items in circulation, make a little money for the original owner and establish a new industry along the way.

Another alternative is to auction off your unwanted items at a local auctioneer. Many of you are familiar with the names of high end auction houses; the names we sometimes hear about when a piece of artwork is sold, such as Waddington’s or Ritchies. Do you know the names of local auctioneers in your neighbourhood or city who are familiar with the auctioning of estates, farm or recreational properties or just the accumulation of items that are no longer needed by someone?

Auction houses usually work on a percentage basis i.e. they keep a percentage of the sale price of your items after the sale and give you the balance. Some will pick up your items, usually for a fee. In some cases, if an entire home is on the auction block, the auction house will hold the auction at the home itself. In other cases, several estates or home contents (lots) will be sold off at a regular auction held by the auction house.

To find an auction house, check online for auctioneers in your area. In Ontario (Canada) you can also check with the Ontario Auctioneer Association.

Home Organizing
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Clutter vs. Collections

Posted by Carolyn on
 May 27, 2009
  ·  No Comments

It’s happening everywhere – garage sales abound as the spring cleaning bug hits neighbourhoods everywhere. A Saturday morning, coffee in hand, perusing the garage sales and flea markets can be a fun start to a spring weekend. Perhaps you pick up another book on old boats which you love so much, or an addition to your 1950’s Irish stoneware.

Reality hits when you return home to find the bookshelf full and the china cabinet overflowing onto the counter, table and sideboard. “What was a thinking?” you ask yourself, “I’m surrounded in clutter but I love my collection.”

You are facing a dilemma that is very common to many clients. Many, many of us have established collections of various items over the years. Whether one is downsizing, house clearing or just de-cluttering, the question of de-cluttering a collection is a difficult one.

One definition of clutter comes from the world of gardening. A weed is, for many gardeners, merely a plant growing where it is not wanted. Similarly, clutter can be defined as any item that is hanging around where it is not wanted. Perhaps the main difference between clutter and a collection is the relative value of the items to the world at large. A collection of stamps may have relative value in the world of stamp collecting. At the same time, if the stamp collection is collecting dust at your house, taking up space you wish to free for some other purpose, to you it may be merely clutter.

So, how does one downsize the collection of tea cups? The same way one purges any other group of items. Our collections usually arrive one or two pieces at a time and during their growth, we usually develop a few favourites amongst the group. Start with a photograph of the collection. Keep those few favourites to remind you of the fun your had collecting and the beauty you see it the items themselves. Free the rest to another collector who is still growing their collection or pass on a few more to friends who have admired your collection in the past. The items have a new lease on life and you have freed up your space.

Home Organizing
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Downsizing Dilemmas – Garbage and Recycling

Posted by Carolyn on
 April 20, 2009
  ·  No Comments

I’m back folks – took a little break there. Back to those downsizing issues…

With almost every client I work, we end up purging out a significant amount of material that can not be re-purposed, is not suitable for sale or donation and therefore ends up in either the garbage or recycling. When clearing out a space, even just to reorganize to make the space function better, clients are often surprised how much debris has collected over the years which ends up no more valuable than the garbage bin.

If you are looking at a downsizing project, I recommend that you start your project armed with information about how to get rid of what may end up being a very large pile of garbage or recycling. Some of the material can go to your regular garbage pick up or disposal although most jurisdictions now carry volume limits on the service. Check into your service provider, public or commercial to find a) volume limits b) size limits or c) alternate places where you can take the material yourself. Most of these places will have a tipping charge. In the jurisdiction where I live, this charge is $10 per 100 kg or part thereof.

If you know there is going to be huge amount of material to garbage you may want to look into a junk removal company such as 1-800-GOT JUNK. In addition, you will need to have a “staging” area where the goods heading to garbage can be put while you continue to clear out your space.

“Even precious treasures left long enough, become garbage“.
One of my favourite client quotes.

Home Organizing
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Photos and Mementos Link

Posted by Carolyn on
 March 25, 2009
  ·  No Comments

If you are struggling to manage photos and mementos, I suggest you hop over to Org Junkie. This month Laura is dedicating to organizing photographs and keepsakes. These items are always a challenge for clients – they are even a challenge for me. She has recently collected a series of helpful links and resources.

Photo Organizing
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Client Questions – Strategies for Letting Go!

Posted by Carolyn on
 October 17, 2008
  ·  No Comments

A client recently expressed the following frustration:

“I have too many casual-use dishes, and they are taking up a lot of space in my cupboards. But I can’t bear to part with any of them. One set (of about eight) was given to me by my late mother and includes a set of casserole dishes, mugs, coffee pot, salt and pepper shakers, butter dish with cover, and so on. These are my favourite, but they’re not microwave safe. The second set (of four) was given to me by my daughters when they were younger, one of the first gifts they bought for me with their own money. They’re pretty, and I like the shape of the bowls, but some have broken so now there aren’t enough. And they don’t go with anything else I have. The third set are plain white, which is practical because I can use them to supplement my good china. All three sets came with cups and saucers, which I never use and would give away, but I don’t like to separate them from the rest of the set. Do you have any suggestions for how to reclaim space in my cupboards?“

This is a classic expression of the frustration we all experience when objects pile up and emotional ties prevent us from letting them go. Here are some suggestions that might help you in this situation:

  • If you like the objects, get them out of hiding and use them.
  • Consider that your mother probably did not expect you to keep the dishes forever and would be very sad that you were experiencing so much stress over them. Who would she suggest that you give them to or what would she have liked you to do when you were finished with them?
  • Move the dishes out of the cupboard and lay them out in a different room. Taking items out of context often helps the sorting/separating process by changing perspective.
  • Play the strangers, acquaintances, friends game. Which of the dishes are friends and which are strangers? Send the strangers away.
  • The emotional attachment in this case is not likely to the dishes, which are at the end of the day, just dishes you are not using. The attachment is to your mother and your daughters. Rather than keeping a cupboard full of dishes, pick one or two which serve as a representation of the love you have for them and send the rest away.
  • Often by giving items which hold a strong emotional memory to someone or someplace of significance to us, the emotional attachment to the object can be diminished by the emotional experience of the giving. Are your daughters setting up their own homes yet? Could they use the dishes? Do you know a single mother who is struggling to make ends meet? Would she enjoy some lovely dishes? You get the picture.
  • Take a picture! Get a friend or family member to take a picture of you using the dishes and with the entire set. In the case of the dishes your daughters gave you, have them in the picture too. You can now save the picture to remind you of the dishes and to elicit the same feelings of love for your family members without keeping all the objects.
Organizing Strategies
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